Top Ten Television Comedies

Yesterday I wrote a piece on my ten favorite television dramas. In it I explained that when comparing television shows it's important to categorize based on genre. I will not make a list of my favorite shows that includes both comedies and dramas, there is a clear distinction, when crafting a show, between a comedy and a drama and I believe it useless to compare the two. Sure there is overlap; comedy in dramas and drama in comedies, but when looking at a show's over-arching plot you should easily be able to see that one is a comedy and one a drama. Again, I will mention that this is my list, and certainly subjective. I am twenty two years old, so I have a bias towards more modern television. This was a really tough list to come up with. I knew which ten I wanted to be on the list, but to rank them was arduous and to be frank unnecessary. They are all so good, and in most cases the show is yet to be complete. So take this ranking with a grain of salt. Anyways, without further adieu:

10) Parks and Recreation

From the creators of The Office, Parks and Rec follows the ups and downs of a parks department in small town, USA. Amy Poehler plays an over-zealous deputy director of the Parks department in the City of Pawnee, Indiana. My favorite character is hands down Ron Swanson, the director of the parks department, Poehler's boss. He is a libertarian and plays a perfect foil to Poehler.

9) The Simpsons

The only reason The Simpsons is so low is because of everything they have done after season fifteen. Seasons five through fifteen was some of the funniest television in history. The Simpsons is legendary, but unfortunately it has gone stale and in my humble opinion it is not funny anymore. It's too bad they have tarnished such a stellar reputation, although I'm not sure those in charge really care anymore, The Simpsons is a money making machine. To not include it on this list would be foolish, but for me, with the calibre of television they are pumping out nowadays, I can't put it close to the top five.

8) The Office

Another show which is past its prime, a show that has jumped the proverbial shark. But in its heyday The Office was just plain funny. Again its too bad that it's rep has been tarnished with this last season's monstrosity. With Carell leaving after his contract expires following next season, I believe the show will be done. So hopefully they will pick up their socks and deliver a good final season.

7) Family Guy

A lot of people don't like family guy. I love it. Sure their bits can get annoying - that Conway Twitty thing was out of line - and they are certainly hit and miss. But in my opinion they hit more often than miss, and the hits are fucking hilarious. Brian, the anthropomorphic dog, occasionally retreats into his instincts as a dog, and it is always gold.

6) 30 Rock

The fourth season just concluded, and 30 Rock shows no signs of slowing down. Following the people who make The Girly Show, a live-to-air sketch comedy show, not unlike SNL. Tina Fey is a comedic genius and her soul has been firmly placed at the center of this show. She had years of hilarity on SNL, so she knows the inner working of a show like The Girly Show. 

5) Trailer Park Boys

A show about three buddies who live in a trailer park. These guys are alcoholics, addicted to dope, and get by day-to-day with various drug dealing and criminal schemes. Watch this show from the start of a season to the end, the story arc is amazing. Every season usually starts anew as the boys get a fresh start coming out of prison. By the end of the season some combination of characters is back in jail after another failed scheme. The comedy in this show is not typical, and centers on the stupidity of these small town hosers. As my dad will point out: these dudes would be farting all day long, but not once do they make a fart joke.

4) Curb Your Enthusiasm

From the genius mind of Larry David, Curb Your Enthusiasm is simply unreal. Its ironic storytelling to the max. This show is semi-scripted, which makes it that much more impressive. Follow Larry David around as he gets into all kind of trouble running amok of the town and his friends and neighbors. If you are a fan of Seinfeld, do yourself a favor and pick up the season seven DVDs. The season's plot is based on the development of a reunion Seinfeld episode. We will probably never have a real Seinfeld reunion, but who cares, this was way better. Watch it!

3) South Park

South Park is the shit. After fourteen seasons this show is still pumping out gold. Matt Stone and Trey Parker are fearless - too bad their parent company is made up of a bunch of pussies - they tackle any and every social issue. And this keeps the show fresh, as these ten year old boys are able to conquer the greatest of social issues with relative ease. Unfortunately the dudes at viacom have something stuck up their ass and a video clip could not be found on youtube.

2) It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

The funniest show since Seinfeld. Only through five seasons, this show has the potential to surpass Seinfeld for that number one spot in my books. Four ego-centric friends from Philly run an unsuccessful dive bar. After the first season, Danny Devito joined the cast and what he brings to the table is immeasurable. Another semi-scripted show, he brings a wicked attitude and acting acumen essential for the shows potential. The best stuff comes after season 2, when Danny's character really takes a turn towards a more scum filled lifestyle. Watch this show, it is so damn funny.

1) Seinfeld

The most successful sitcom in history, third most viewed series finale of all time. 76 million viewers. To this day, Jerry Seinfeld is the second highest earner in the television industry, earning $60 mil a year. A quote from Wikipedia, "...Seinfeld focused on [life's] minutiae, such as waiting in line at the movies, going out for dinner, buying a suit and, basically, dealing with the petty injustices of life." I have one friend who doesn't like Seinfeld. There was a point where I would argue with him, but I have resigned myself to the fact that he is being stubborn now and is missing out. So when the topic arises, I simply ignore the conversation. I posted the following video to his facebook wall with the comment, "Suck It". His response was, "Top ten lamest moments ever?". Boy do I pity him. This is the funniest show in television history. The numbers prove it. The fact that over ten years after the finale it still gets plenty of air time proves it. Just watch a fucking episode and tell me your sides aren't splitting. If you don't like this show, you don't like comedy or sitcoms. And I guess that's cool, your life will have a void though, and your existence will be less fulfilling.

Top Ten Charlie Kelly Quotes

'It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia' is the best show on television, period. The show is about four egocentric friends and Danny Devito running a dive bar in Philadelphia. Charlie Kelly, played by Charlie Day, is hands-down my favorite character on television today. Around Christmas of 2009 they wrapped up season five. Season six is slatted to begin September 16, 2010 and I could not be more pumped. To get us through the lull, here are Charlie's top ten quotes, in no particular order (I just won't judge them because they are all too fucking funny).

1) From 'The Gang Exploits a Miracle' 

Charlie is preaching to his congregation:

“Here's a confession: I’m in love with a man. What? I’m in love with a man ... a man named God. Does that make me gay? Am I gay for God? You betcha.”

2) From 'Underage Drinking: A National Concern'

Charlie gets caught up in his friendship with some high school kids:

“That’s Tammy, Trey’s ex-girlfriend. This is classic Tammy. Trey broke up with Tammy because Maureen Kinallen said that she saw Tammy flirting with Walt Timby at a party, but she was only doing it to make Trey jealous, because, you know, she thought that Trey secretly liked Erin Hannabry, but he doesn’t like Erin Hannabry; it was all a bunch of bull.”

3) From 'The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby'

Charlie leaves a note in the bar after stealing the dumpster baby:

“Taked baby. Meet at later bar, night or day sometime.”

4) From 'Mac and Dennis: Manhunters'

Charlie can't shake the hunger for human meat and is torn by this moral dilemma:

“Cannibalism? Racism? Dude, that’s not for us ... those decisions are better left to the suits in Washington. We’re just here to eat some dude!”

5) From 'The Gang Dances Their Asses Off'

Charlie talks shit to Dennis before a dance-off:

“Let me tell you a little lesson, buddy. The cream always rises to the top. And I’m about to show you the white, hot cream of an eighth-grade boy.”

6) From 'The Waitress is Getting Married'

Charlie orders food while on a blind date:

“Yes, my good man, I’ll have the milk steak, boiled over hard, and your finest jelly beans ... raw.”

7) From 'The Gang Runs for Office'

Dennis reading the words that Charlie wrote for him as his campaign manager:

"I'll read the words you wrote. "Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you, thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot. What? Taxes, they'll be lower... son. The Democratic vote is the right thing to do Philadelphia, so do."

8) From 'Mac's Banging the Waitress'

Charlie's suspicion of Mac is heightened so he drinks 24 beers. He is sleeping with Dennis when Mac comes in to confirm to Dennis that he is in fact his best friend... Charlie wakes up:

Charlie in a drunken, slurred voice: "Woah, what is this? What am I seeing?"

Dennis: "Nothing man you're having a dream right now."

Mac: "Ya, just a dream."

Charlie: "I'm dreaming. Are you sure cause I feel like I'm awake"

Dennis: "No man, this is a dream that I am having."

Charlie: "Am I peeing?"

Dennis: "Are you peeing?????"

Mac: "He's pissing all over the bed!"

Dennis: "O, Jesus he's peeing!"

Mac: "I told you he was going to do it. I knew he was going to do it. He drank too much. God Dammit!"

Charlie: "Hey guys if I'm peeing, wake me up."

9) From 'The Gang Finds a Dumpster Baby'

Charlie believes that the dumpster baby is the love child between the waitress and Frank, so he goes to the coffee shop to confront the waitress:

"You know there was a time where I'd help you raise this little dumpster baby brother of mine like a son. But that's gone now 'cause you ruined it. You threw your babies away. And you threw your swords away. You threw your golf clubs and your tasty treats! And ya know what? I found 'em. And I'm gonna raise all of them!"

10) From 'Mac and Dennis Break Up'

Sweet Dee has a cat stuck in her wall and Charlie has the solution:

Charlie: "Cat in the wall, eh! Ok. Know you're talking my language. I know this game. Alright, catch me up to speed here. What do we got?"

Dee: "Come on, you're putting cheetos fingers all over the wall."

Charlie: "Alright, let's focus Dee. What's the point of entry here?"

Dee: "That's the thing Charlie. I've been looking all around this goddamn place, I can't find one."

Charlie: "Alright I've seen this before. You know what happened? I bet it flattened itself out, went right through a seem in your wall."

Dee: "I don't think there's anything in the laws of nature that would support that."

Charlie: "Cats do not abide by the laws of nature, alright. You don't know shit about cats."

...Dee: "I think its stuck in there."

Charlie: "No! It is not stuck. Alright let's focus on what's happening with the cat, alright. It made a conscious decision to go in your wall."

Dee: "Really?"

Charlie: "Absolutely. Absolutely. It chose to be in there, it wants to be in your wall Dee."

Dee: "I was thinking about getting some catnip."

Charlie: "Nonono, don't do that! It's gonna know that's a trap Dee, ok? That's gonna irritate the cat. And then its gonna dig itself down further and we may never get to it, ok? Let's start thinking like a cat here alright. You know what? We need another cat. That's what we need. Here's what were gonna do: I'm gonna crack a little hole in your wall, a tiny one, it'll be cool. And then I'm gonna slip a second cat with a string tied around it. Those two will become co-dependent, then I'll rip the second cat out, and the first one hopefully, hopefully will follow."

...Dee: "Alright, where we gonna get this other cat?"

Charlie: "O, I can get you another cat. I got followed here by like ten cats. Yaa, they're starting to following me these days."

Here's a bonus vid from the Christmas special: